So, remember my cleaning schedule I was so good at?
Christmas has thwarted that plan! Well, maybe I'm blaming it on Christmas.. really, this cute little man has thwarted that plan and I am perfectly fine with that. There are times where I spend an hour playing with him and I think of all the things I COULD have gotten done, but realize that spending time with him is time very very well spent.
It has been a crazy few weeks. Basketball season has started for Matt (boooo!). I have been preparing myself for this season for awhile... knowing it was going to be hard on me. It hasn't been horrible so far, especially since I am sewing lots of our Christmas presents this year. I know that sounds strange, but the days just fly by between caring for Baby J, keeping up on dish and bottle washing, laundry, Hungry for Life, and now making Christmas gifts. It has been fun learning more about sewing and how to make things (on the list: aprons and pillows. I'll post pictures after Christmas!). Anyway, our tree is half-decorated which means there are still boxes everywhere, cards are half-finished, but my boy is fully loved! That's what counts right??
God has been using these last few months to teach me a lot. Let me share:
1. Life is a gift. I've been thinking about life and death a lot lately. Not at all in a grim sense, but just about the frailty of life. What is the point of it all anyway? My heart aches for those who believe this life is it. That the point is to have lots of nice stuff, look good at any cost, and fill the calendar with things and hobbies to keep them busy. I truly believe that "busyness" is one of Satan's greatest schemes. We are too busy for each other and too busy to just sit with ourselves and spend time with God. For some reason, the news of Elizabeth Edwards dying on Tuesday hit me in a weird way. Just this week, our small group welcomed 2 new little ones into the world, along with many other births I'm sure, and many people were ushered out. I know we all want to leave a legacy, but is that the important part of life? That people will remember ME for what I did and what I stood for? I want to be part of something bigger, I am part of something bigger. When I take my last breath, I can't wait to see God. It's weird to think that this life is just a preparation for that day, that moment when it all comes into focus. I want people to remember me, yes, but I want them to remember HIM more. Afterall, He is the beginning and the end. Okay, so I'm done preaching. Does this mean we don't enjoy this life and all it has to offer? No way!! If you know me, you know I love a good pair of jeans, a fun road trip, taking pictures, and decorating my home! But, I just don't want that to be the focus of my life.
2. Days spent taking care of a little one are days well spent. Nuff said. :)
3. Sometimes you have to pick the one important thing that needs to get done and let the rest wait for tomorrow. Unfortunately, sometimes this means a shower gets put on the "save for later" list. :)
4. It is definitely
easier to give than receive. Being on the receiving end of such mercy and generosity from those around us has been humbling to say the very least. I pray that I am showing my gratitude to those who have helped with meals, bills, time. It feels so strange not to be able to be the one who is giving the meals, money for bills, and time. It makes me want to repay those who have helped, but I know that's not what they want or even expect in the least. It makes me want to do a good job so that they'll be proud of me, but I know they already are and that's not why they gave in the first place. It's made me see God's grace in such a different light. He has given me His grace and mercy (which just came out gracy.. maybe that's a good hybrid of the two words, lol), and I don't need to feel responsible for repaying Him for any of it. It wouldn't be grace then.
Okay, so maybe that's not a
huge list of things I've learned, but I am appreciative that I've had this change of pace in my life to teach me new things. I saw an old friend last night and she said, "Sounds like your life right now is not just a new chapter, but a whole new book." She's totally right. The titles I used to define myself by (teacher, worship team member, volunteer, giver), have now been swapped for one complete opposite one: stay at home mom/caregiver. If you've read my blog before, you know that I've always struggled with finding my worth in what I DO. So, now that it seems I DO a lot less than I used to, I've had to struggle with not attaching my worth to that. Ask Matt, it has been an uphill battle. :)
Anyway, I hope I don't in any way sound like I am not enjoying this time in my life. I am enjoying it immensely. Baby J is just about the sweetest thing I have ever laid my eyes on. He is the happiest baby I've ever known. When I go to get him out of bed in the morning, he is all smiles and giggles. From the very first minute! What a great lesson, rejoice in each new day! I never thought I could love something this much.
We went to the CF clinic this week and they were all seriously delighted to see him and how well he's doing. He has improved oxygen saturation (97%!), less retraction when he breathes (meaning his lungs aren't having to work as hard and he's not breathing as hard), and is 11 lbs!! he gained 2 pounds in a month, which is just huge.
Many people have asked what all his treatments are, so I thought I'd list them out for you in case you would like to know!
- Albuterol (bronchodilator). 2 MDI puffs 2 times a day, before percussion treatment.
- Pulmozyme (a drug that thins out his mucus) given via Nebulizer, one time a day (in the morning, takes about 12 minutes).
- Percussion treatment- 30 minutes 2 times a day. I usually do the morning treatment and Matt does the evening one, unless it's game day.
- Enzymes- he has to have a capsule of enzymes before each eating time. He takes it with applesauce!
- Salt- this gets sprinkled in his applesauce too to keep his sodium levels even (People with CF lose too much salt through their sweat). 1/8 tsp a day.
- Zantac - he doesn't have acid reflux, but he has some malabsorption issues, and this works in tandem with the enzymes to work the best at absorbing fats, proteins and vitamins. 3x/day
- Vitamins - He has to have special vitamins formulated for people with CF, high high doses to compensate for malabsorption.
- Microlipids and formula powder added to his bottles of breastmilk. This is just to fatten that boy up!
So, it looks like a lot, but we've really gotten into a good routine and it doesn't feel like a lot. Seeing it all written down really is crazy! It will be nice when a few things happen: when we can add fats and salts to his food and have him just eat it, when he can swallow pills, when he's big enough for a percussion vest, when he can hold his own nebulizer, etc. BUT I am not wishing away this stage for anything! 3 months is seriously the best age. We just LOVE him and love being parents!!
If you've read this whole post, I wish I had some sort of prize to give you. But instead, I just offer an apology. Sorry it was so long, but thanks for reading the rambling thoughts of a rambling mind!
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| This is his new trick: getting rattles up over his arm! It happens every time I leave him in his crib to play with a rattle! Hilarious. |
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| Getting his percussion treatment! That blue thing in the back is the "love tapper". :) It's just rubber filled with air, doesn't hurt him at all! And this position gives him ample opportunity to practice holding up his head! |
