During this past year (well, if I'm really honest with myself, during the past 2 years), I've really wrestled with a lot of "truth" that I always knew but didn't let soak into my heart. It's easy to say things are true but then a lot harder to live through them and still believe they're true in your heart. I always thought this was me being weak and wishy-washy, but I'm realizing this is part of growth. You learn something and then have time to put it into practice. We all fail and don't get it right the first time, but "he gives more grace" as James says.
I've been in biblical counseling for 6 months and it has been invaluable. I thought I had a situation that needed to be fixed. I needed to be less anxious. Give me the formula, I'll do it. But, after just two sessions with my friend, I realized I was in this for the long haul. My anxiety wasn't the root of my problem, it was just a symptom of a proud, entitled heart and a weakened faith infrastructure. To "fix" my anxiety would just be a band-aid. I needed surgery and I knew it'd be painful, and it has been.. but just like any life-saving surgery, it has all been for my good.
One of the books we've been going through is Trusting God Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges. Oh goodness, I could write a snippet every day and go on and on. It has broadened my understanding of God's sovereignty, especially in times of suffering and trial. This week's chapter is called "The Wisdom of God" and starts with the scripture 'Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!' (Romans 11:33). I love that we serve a God who can't fully be known. That should lead us to a place of awe and worship. Sometimes it can be frustrating, though. I like to know the 'because' behind every 'why' and this season has been so good for that side of me. I'm going to write out a few pages that really spoke to me, in hopes that they encourage you if you're in a time of suffering or that you can store them up for a coming time!
As we watch tragic events unfolding, or more particularly as we experience adversity ourselves, we often are prone to ask God why. The reason we ask is because we do not see any possible good to us or glory to God that can come from the particular adverse circumstances that have come upon us or our loved ones. But is not the wisdom of God - thus the glory of God - more eminently displayed in bringing good out of calamity than out of blessing?
The wisdom of the chess player is displayed more in winning over a capable opponent than over a novice. The wisdom of the general is displayed more in defeating a superior army than in subduing an inferior one. Even more so, the wisdom of God is displayed when He brings good to us and glory to Himself out of confusion and calamity rather than out of pleasant times.
There is no question that God's people live in a hostile world. We have an enemy, the devil [who] "prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8). He wants to sift us like wheat as he did Peter (see Luke 22:31), or make us curse God like he tried to get Job to do. God does not spare us from the ravages of disease, heartache, and disappointment of this sin-cursed world. But God is able to take all of these elements - the bad and the good- and make full use of every one. ...
God's infinite wisdom then is displayed in bringing good out of evil , beauty out of ashes. It is displayed in turning all the forces of evil that rage against His children into good for them. But the good that He brings about is often different than the good we envision.
Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose," is an oft-quoted verse. But we often fail to note that the following verse helps us understand what the "good" of verse 28 is. Verse 29 begins with the word for, indicating that it is a continuation and amplification of the thought of verse 28. It says, "For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers." The good that God works for in our lives is conformity to the likeness of His Son. It is not necessarily comfort or happiness but conformity to Christ in ever-increasing measure in this life and in its fullness in eternity.
We see this same thought in Hebrews 12:10, "Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness." To share in God's holiness is an equivalent expression to being conformed to the likeness of Christ. God knows exactly what He intends we become and He knows exactly what circumstances, both good and bad, are necessary to produce that result in our lives. Note the contrast the author of Hebrews draws between the finite, fallible wisdom of human parents and the infinite, infallible wisdom of God. He says, "Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best." As a father, I can readily identify with the phrase "as they thought best". Sometimes in rearing our children we agonized over the proper discipline, both in kind and amount. And even when we thought we knew what was best, there were many times when we erred.
But, the writer says without qualification, God disciplines us for our good. There is no agonizing by God, no hoping He has made the right decision, no wondering what is really best for us. God makes no mistakes. He knows infallibly with infinite wisdom what combination of good and bad circumstances will bring us more and more into sharing His holiness. He never puts too much of the "salt" of adversity into the recipe of our lives. His blending of adversity and blessing is always exactly right for us.
The author of Hebrews readily admits that discipline is painful (see verse 11). But he also assures us it is profitable. It produces "a harvest of righteousness and peace." The purpose of God's discipline is not to punish us but to transform us. He has already meted out punishment for our sins on Jesus at Calvary: "The punishment that brought us peace was upon him" (Isaiah 53:3). But we must be transformed more and more into the likeness of Christ. That is the purpose of discipline.
pages 125-128
I know that was quite the considerable chunk, sorry if it was too long.
I really recommend this book if you are wanting to dig deeper into the sovereignty of God and how His goodness and love interact with His sovereignty. I have really wrestled and questioned all along the way and in no way do I feel like I have it all figured out. I think half the battle is committing to learn and wrestle and grow. Thank you God for your goodness towards us.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
Odds and Ends
There have been quite a few little nagging house projects around here that I have definitely been putting off. Remember the baseboard? It may or may not still be laying in the carport, unpainted. But, I'll never tell! We finally moved J into a toddler bed which deserves an entire post on its own, but losing that big beautiful crib from his room has thrown the decorative vibe all off. Yikes, that one has found itself back on the to-do list.
One of the things we can call semi-complete-for-now (sounds pretty definitive, right?) is the family room area. I had been patiently waiting for a deal on our local classifieds website and all seemed lost until I found these babies!
$50 FOR THE SET. I couldn't really believe it. Initially, I had hopes of painting whatever we found white and then the background a fun accent color, but that was when I was sure we'd get shelves that were pretty beat up. These suckers are in mint condition. And, I'm surprised but I kind of like the wood tone with our floors and the adjacent kitchen floors.. I still might paint them or do a fun stencil in the backs and sides or something crazy like that, I'm also thinking about adding trim to the bottom to give them a more built-in feel, but for now I'm pretty pleased that this space finally looks like we actually meant to do all this. What would be your vote?
(Side note, someday I'd love to paint or remove the fireplace metal insert and make it more of a decorative nook instead of a wood-burning fireplace since we don't want to use it with J's respiratory stuff and can't afford a gas insert). I've also seen some fun ideas for above the mantel, like bead-boarding the wall and painting it (then we could build in a gap to hide the wires) or laying some slate stone above it to give it more texture and make it more eye-catching, but I'm getting way ahead of myself.
I had fun collecting all my favorite books from around the house to feature on the shelves. I still haven't found just the right things to fill the jars and the large glass bell jar, but I'm convinced I'll find just the right thing in time, just like these shelves. I read an article awhile ago about decorating your house on a budget and the number one tip was "be patient". Good deals only come to those who wait. So, if you're feeling antsy... instead of running out to Wally world and buying the cheapest thing you can find just so you have something, I'd encourage you to live with the ugly a little while longer and wait for that great deal!
One of the things we can call semi-complete-for-now (sounds pretty definitive, right?) is the family room area. I had been patiently waiting for a deal on our local classifieds website and all seemed lost until I found these babies!
$50 FOR THE SET. I couldn't really believe it. Initially, I had hopes of painting whatever we found white and then the background a fun accent color, but that was when I was sure we'd get shelves that were pretty beat up. These suckers are in mint condition. And, I'm surprised but I kind of like the wood tone with our floors and the adjacent kitchen floors.. I still might paint them or do a fun stencil in the backs and sides or something crazy like that, I'm also thinking about adding trim to the bottom to give them a more built-in feel, but for now I'm pretty pleased that this space finally looks like we actually meant to do all this. What would be your vote?
(Side note, someday I'd love to paint or remove the fireplace metal insert and make it more of a decorative nook instead of a wood-burning fireplace since we don't want to use it with J's respiratory stuff and can't afford a gas insert). I've also seen some fun ideas for above the mantel, like bead-boarding the wall and painting it (then we could build in a gap to hide the wires) or laying some slate stone above it to give it more texture and make it more eye-catching, but I'm getting way ahead of myself.
I had fun collecting all my favorite books from around the house to feature on the shelves. I still haven't found just the right things to fill the jars and the large glass bell jar, but I'm convinced I'll find just the right thing in time, just like these shelves. I read an article awhile ago about decorating your house on a budget and the number one tip was "be patient". Good deals only come to those who wait. So, if you're feeling antsy... instead of running out to Wally world and buying the cheapest thing you can find just so you have something, I'd encourage you to live with the ugly a little while longer and wait for that great deal!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
J=2!
**This post is more for me to remember things about J, but since I'm awful at journaling I wanted to keep it on here! You're welcome to read it, I'm just warning you it's a mushy mom post!**
Dear Jason,
You are two and I can't believe it! Time has flown and crawled by. I look back at pictures and long for you to be the size you were, but I am thrilled that you are older and can do more. Your personality keeps us on our toes for sure, but you are a pure joy and love to laugh. We love that about you!
You kind-of hit two with full force. But that's okay. We've had many more tantrums and frustrations for the past few weeks, but I know that it's all part of you growing up. You get very frustrated when you don't get what you want and even more frustrated when you can't communicate it. We are slowly but surely working through each tantrum and learning some new play skills to help you ease your frustration!
You have a few words! So far, you say "up!" (pretty much all day. You either want to be held, up on a chair, up on a table, put a toy up, etc), you are also saying "eyes", trying your own version of "uh oh", and "ow" for Scout. You also say "moo", "nap" (for "quack), and "woof woof" when we talk about cows, dogs, and ducks. You are trying new sounds and sound combinations everyday and we are so proud of you! You can do it, little man! You have also started signing and can sign about 30 words now. (Your favorites are "help", "car", "bird", "airplane", "more", "water", "dog", "go", and waving bye to people as they leave (or trash as it goes in the trash can). You are still showing us just how stubborn you are, since you refuse to sign please and thank you. I think somehow you know that those words are polite and you just don't want to be polite. We'll see how that goes. I've been trying to teach you the sign for "I love you" and you try it, but it comes out more like "live long and prosper". Hey, I'll take it!
You love to show off Scout to everyone that comes over. I love that he's like your furry big brother. Watching you try to get him to chase you or to play your own game of peek-a-boo with Scout is so funny. He's not entirely sure what to think about it, but I'm pretty sure you're oblivious to that fact so it works. You love to take pictures with mom and watch them come up on the screen. You also love the playground, playing with shape sorters, balls, and holding cars. You like to drive them, but mostly to hold them. If you have a car or a tractor in your hand, you are complete! You still love getting in your stroller and going for a walk which makes us so happy. Family walks are our favorite time of the day. You will eat anything we put in front of you, and actually like spicy Mexican or Thai food! You have started to chipmunk your food in your cheek which drives us (especially Dad) crazy. But, the dietitian assured us that is a phase you're going through, so we'll just eagerly wait for that one to be over. You still definitely prefer Dad when he's around, and I have learned to be okay with that. :) He loves to play with you and thinks up games that get you to laugh harder than I ever could, so it's fun to watch and hear you play together. You have learned how to delay something you don't want to do. During treatment, you'll point at toys you want to get or you'll sign "water" to get us to stop the nebulizer. It's frustrating but really cute too. You're struggling with sleeping in your crib and we're moving you into a big-boy bed tomorrow. Once you started to try to climb out or pull your body up into the top corner of the crib we decided it was time! We're praying that this is what you need!
Yesterday at clinic, you were a rockstar! You did well when it was time to be weighed and measured and didn't cry at all when Dr. Chatfield listened to your lungs or looked in your ears. You wanted to "talk" to the dietitian and the social worker, which was great. You didn't even cry at their masks when they first came in. It was such a great improvement from our last clinic visit (well, really since your clean-out)! You weigh 25 lbs 12 oz and are 34 inches tall and of course your head is still in the 90th percentile. We are so proud of you for eating so well and growing so well, it is a really big deal!!
Even with all the worries and frustrations that toddlerhood brings, we are loving every minute of it and know that someday we'll look back on pictures from this age and wish we could have bottled a little bit of it up for later. Sweet Jason, a day never goes by that we don't thank God for you. You truly are a gift to us and He is doing mighty things through you already. We eagerly anticipate all He has in store for this next year!
Dear Jason,
You are two and I can't believe it! Time has flown and crawled by. I look back at pictures and long for you to be the size you were, but I am thrilled that you are older and can do more. Your personality keeps us on our toes for sure, but you are a pure joy and love to laugh. We love that about you!
You have a few words! So far, you say "up!" (pretty much all day. You either want to be held, up on a chair, up on a table, put a toy up, etc), you are also saying "eyes", trying your own version of "uh oh", and "ow" for Scout. You also say "moo", "nap" (for "quack), and "woof woof" when we talk about cows, dogs, and ducks. You are trying new sounds and sound combinations everyday and we are so proud of you! You can do it, little man! You have also started signing and can sign about 30 words now. (Your favorites are "help", "car", "bird", "airplane", "more", "water", "dog", "go", and waving bye to people as they leave (or trash as it goes in the trash can). You are still showing us just how stubborn you are, since you refuse to sign please and thank you. I think somehow you know that those words are polite and you just don't want to be polite. We'll see how that goes. I've been trying to teach you the sign for "I love you" and you try it, but it comes out more like "live long and prosper". Hey, I'll take it!
You love to show off Scout to everyone that comes over. I love that he's like your furry big brother. Watching you try to get him to chase you or to play your own game of peek-a-boo with Scout is so funny. He's not entirely sure what to think about it, but I'm pretty sure you're oblivious to that fact so it works. You love to take pictures with mom and watch them come up on the screen. You also love the playground, playing with shape sorters, balls, and holding cars. You like to drive them, but mostly to hold them. If you have a car or a tractor in your hand, you are complete! You still love getting in your stroller and going for a walk which makes us so happy. Family walks are our favorite time of the day. You will eat anything we put in front of you, and actually like spicy Mexican or Thai food! You have started to chipmunk your food in your cheek which drives us (especially Dad) crazy. But, the dietitian assured us that is a phase you're going through, so we'll just eagerly wait for that one to be over. You still definitely prefer Dad when he's around, and I have learned to be okay with that. :) He loves to play with you and thinks up games that get you to laugh harder than I ever could, so it's fun to watch and hear you play together. You have learned how to delay something you don't want to do. During treatment, you'll point at toys you want to get or you'll sign "water" to get us to stop the nebulizer. It's frustrating but really cute too. You're struggling with sleeping in your crib and we're moving you into a big-boy bed tomorrow. Once you started to try to climb out or pull your body up into the top corner of the crib we decided it was time! We're praying that this is what you need!
Yesterday at clinic, you were a rockstar! You did well when it was time to be weighed and measured and didn't cry at all when Dr. Chatfield listened to your lungs or looked in your ears. You wanted to "talk" to the dietitian and the social worker, which was great. You didn't even cry at their masks when they first came in. It was such a great improvement from our last clinic visit (well, really since your clean-out)! You weigh 25 lbs 12 oz and are 34 inches tall and of course your head is still in the 90th percentile. We are so proud of you for eating so well and growing so well, it is a really big deal!!
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