This is the one where I ramble... oh wait, that's every one!

"Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" ~Job 2:10

I've really been challenged by this verse lately. Challenged by Job's story. I am quick to thank God for the miracles He continues to perform every day. And, rightfully so! He shows up in so many small ways throughout the course of my day. I would be remiss if I failed to recognize His hand in all the wonderful things He brings and provides each and every day. It's when calamity strikes that I start asking "Why!?" and I forget how good He is. I forget that He's still good in the face of trial and suffering. I forget that sometimes the hardest things we face in life are really blessings because of the fruit we develop, because of the connections we make, because of the glory He is due. I forget that sometimes hardships are sent our way to teach us, grow us up, use us.

I don't know where you stand on the living-in-a-fallen-world vs. God's sovereignty debate, and to be honest, I'm not exactly sure where I stand either. But, one thing I do know for sure. Job 1:21 reads "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." God is good. He is the perfect balance of justice and mercy. Sovereignty and love. Grace and wrath. What a mystery, what a wonderful mystery!

These past few weeks have shown me a couple of my short-comings. But, thankfully, God has used my weaknesses to show His strength. His stronger-than-me-on-my-strongest-day strength.
I am anxiety-ridden. He is waiting to take my burdens.
I still struggle with being selfish. He still wants to use me and grow me and make me more like His son.
I desire an easy life. He desires a fruitful life.
I want to doubt and question and bargain my way out of problems. He is waiting, with open arms, ready to teach me, answer me, and meet me right where I am. In the midst of it all.

J's cleanout is complete. I can't say that I'm totally relieved. Yes, thankful that we're not in the hospital. Thankful that the PICC line is gone! Thankful for no more IV meds. Thankful for 2 treatments a day instead of 4. But. We won't have repeat x-rays for a few months, if that. We still are worrying about calories and food and if he's getting enough. 
He still has Cystic Fibrosis. 
This isn't a battle to beat. It's a battle to fight. Every day, continually. It's not something he can conquer right now... it's something that he has to deal with. Manage. Hopefully stay on top of. 
Oh how I wish it was something that could be conquered. Here. 
It can feel hopeless. But, I know nothing is hopeless for those in Christ!


I know this is a really scattered post, but it's just what's on my mind right now.
It's okay if no one reads it, or if 10 people do, there are times when you just have to get some thoughts out of your system to go on with your day. 
This is one of those posts, thanks for hanging in there with me!
And now, a few fun pictures of J during clean-out time. It will be fun to show him these pictures when he's a grown man. Hopefully by then, there will be a cure, and he will look at these pictures with disbelief not understanding what CF used to be.

Practicing wearing masks... this is the only way he'd wear his! LOL.

J was enthralled with the CMA Awards Show!

Treatments with Daddy...

Treatments with Grandma!

Our last at-home IV treatment!!!! We were so happy!

The PICC line after they removed it... kind-of gross, but fascinating all the same