Day Seven

Well, we got the green light!
We are going to discharge tomorrow and finish the clean-out at home.
I'm actually having mixed emotions about this. I won't lie, it is nice to have someone there 24/7 to help with caring for your child. The nurses get his meds, the kitchen cooks his food, the respiratory therapists do his treatments (and are fun for me to chat with), the custodians clean the bathroom and floors, and no one really has any expectations of me. I don't have to do laundry, I don't have to cook, I don't have to clean the house.
BUT. He is sounding so much better and is finally over whatever it was that was ailing him (he tested positive for rhinovirus... just the common cold, but I think there was some residual gunk left over from his bout with Roseola). And, in case you didn't know it, hospitals are pretty germy places. And, we are one out of 8 CF patients on the floor. It all is getting to me a little bit. I also don't love that you have no control over who your doctors and nurses are (at least for this first visit), so you never know who will come waltzing into your room at any hour. Add in the fact that J was fussier today than he has been and is reminding me of this lion. He is ready to be home and down on the ground to play!!!
I am a little nervous about the at-home clean out because of all the intricacies of the picc line on a squirmy little guy that we can't fully communicate with yet. Our schedule at home will be jam-packed basically from 7:30 am until 9:00 pm. There are 5 IV treatments total, 4 respiratory treatments, and the usual 3 meals and 2 naps that need to fit in there somewhere. So, I'm feeling a little anxious but choosing to trust that this is the best option for him. He wasn't suctioned at all today, so they will do one last assessment tomorrow to ensure that he is still as clear as he was on days after being suctioned.
I have been fighting the blues today for unknown reasons. I got all weepy at weird times during the day. Matt even came up to stay the night with J in the room and I didn't want to leave. I hung around the room until it was far too late and then went grocery shopping, of all things. I think I've just been so used to constant company that being alone is a little tricky. I'm praying that a good cry, for so many reasons, is just what's needed and I'll wake up tomorrow refreshed! :)

Why are you cast down, O my soul,

and why are you in turmoil within me?

Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,

my salvation and my God. ~Psalm 42:11

Yes, my hope is in Him. Hope for J, hope for tomorrow.