The Loser!

Have you ever had one of those days where you just can't win?
In conversation, in time management, in anything!?
That has been my day today. And yesterday too. There are times when I feel like every idea I have gets shot down and everything I do is critiqued or criticized. Have you ever been there with me? Please say yes.

Yesterday evening it looked like it was going to rain, so we decided to go to Best Buy. As we're going to load into the car it looks like the skies are clearing so we can play outside instead. Great! We decide to let J walk on the sidewalk and do a quick lap around the block with our dog to soak in the cooler temps and enjoy our time together. Our dog "does his business" in our lawn and we proceed. Halfway around the block, said dog decides he has some more business to do. Great. We don't have the stroller which means we don't have our special little "doggie bags" (Side note... I've never understood why leftover bags are called doggie bags... I'm guessing because it's supposed to be what you're taking home to the dog, but in our house those are the bags we use to pick up the dog's presents). But, I digress. Matt and I look at each other, feeling sheepish, and Matt says, "It's okay, I'll swing back around the block and pick it up when we're done." Great!

Not great.

A kind neighbor hothead driving by in his pick-up proceeds to come to a screeching halt, squeal his tires doing a U-turn and comes flying up behind us. He pulls up next to us and yells at us, "HEY! Are you guys going to pick up after your dog!?!?" We just say yes, that we live around the corner and didn't have our bags with us. Thanks for asking. And I may or may not have given him my best version of a Jr. High crusty. I'm sure this guy was just having a bad day, and that us not picking up after our dog was the last straw for him... or maybe he was just a jerk. I'm sure he was just trying to be a good neighbor. But, I'm used to people being a little more passive than that. You can think bad things about me as you drive along on your merry way, but I'm pretty sure it takes it to the next level to rip me a new one over dog poop. I kind of let it ruin my night. I'm sensitive like that, and realllly trying to get better about it. It was as if I was being watched and right as I let something slip, bam! There's the poop police to ensure I know I messed up.

Then today, a few e-mail exchanges. Asking my advice. I give it, graciously... I think... I get cold responses. I usually have opinions and ideas, but many times those opinions and ideas get ignored or criticized.
I'm having a pity party. On a public blog. Okay, enough. I'm done!

I have a craaaaanky toddler on my hands today. We went to a friend's house to pick some delightful peaches off her tree. We were there for about 45 minutes, and I am pretty sure J threw about 4 tantrums. For lunch, his peanut butter and jelly might as well have been a flesh-eating monster, because he screamed. Looking me right in the eyes, doing the ugly cry, as if trying to say" what are you feeding me!? Why would you make me eat!?" The only thing that could calm him down was a healthy dose of Bob the Builder while I crammed it down his throat encouraged him to eat it in our 40 minute meal window. 40 minutes seems like a generous window for eating, but for our little man, it is not long enough. I have a feeling he has something else going on... maybe a cold, maybe an ear ache, or another lovely tooth pushing its way to the surface!

To end this, I'm going to share a few things I've been thinking about and God's been teaching me about. I have this really horrible habit of pride and self-absorption. I know I'm not alone, but it's really ugly. I easily fall into pity traps (see above!) and I'm-better-than-you-are traps. They seem like they are opposite issues, but they have the same root. I've been meeting with a dear friend for the past several months to work through some of my issues and she shared with me some verses God gave her for her own struggles. I've been meditating on them this week, and (shockingly enough) instead of God insta-changing my heart, He's been gracious enough to show me where I've let this thinking penetrate my heart and mind and inviting me to come to Him, ugliness and all! His grace abounds all the more. I can't "make myself" stop being this way. In doing so, I make the cross meaningless. I can focus on Him and ask Him to strengthen me and repent when I fall short. When I judge others and think myself better. When I feel sorry for myself and envy. Move on. Repent. Actually accept His grace. Soak in His Word. Spend concerted and committed time in prayer. Relying more and more on Him and His grace to continue to move me towards being complete. Thank you, God, for not giving up on us.

For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. Romans 7:18

The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners,of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen. 1 Timothy 1:15-17

There is none holy like the Lord: for there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God. Talk no more so very proudly, let not arrogance come from your mouth; for the Lord is a God of knowledge, and by him actions are weighed. 1 Samuel 2:2-3